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Turn a negative situation into a positive one

  • Published
  • By Laura McGowan
  • Aeronautical Systems Center Public Affairs
I knew it would happen, but I didn't think it would be so soon. My son was called the "n" word when he was just four.

We were stationed in Alaska and lived on base; I was about to go to my part-time teaching job. My son, Mikey, was looking out of the window talking to a few other kids outside when I overheard one of them say to my son, "Shut up you stupid 'n'."

I froze then ran outside to ask, "Who said that?" The kids pointed to the cutest little boy (other than my son), then ran.

"What's your name?" I asked in my fake nice voice. "We're new here, and I want to meet your parents." He complied, and we walked to his house. I met his parents and asked the boy to tell them what he said.

When he did, they were mortified. His mom gave her husband a dirty look and muttered something about their son watching the movie "Blazing Saddles."

They apologized and said they would make him apologize to my son. I told them that my son didn't know what that word was. He was more hurt by the word "stupid." I just wanted them to know what their son was saying when they weren't around. The boys continued to play together without a problem.

I wasn't as shocked, however, when another incident occurred. Mikey was six, and he ran home from the nearby park. He said, "Mom, those girls at the park said I couldn't play there because I'm Black." Then he said they started choking and gagging.

I told him he could play there, and the next time the girls started choking and gagging, to come get me so I could get them medical attention. A week later, Mikey ran up to me and said, "Mom they're choking again!"

I followed him to the park, and the girls ran when they saw me. I followed one home, knocked on the door and told her mom what happened. She was not happy, and she had her daughter apologize. Then the mom talked to the other friend's mom. There were no more illnesses at the park.

Five years later while we were living in Texas, my 11-year-old son told me about a girl in his class who called him and his friend the "n" word at lunch as she moved away from them when they sat at her table to eat. I e-mailed his teacher.

The teacher, the wife of one of the commanders on base, assured me she would take care of it and follow up with me. When she did, she explained that the girl did not feel what she did was wrong. The student said that her family felt that way. The teacher explained that regardless of what the girl could say and do at home, she could not say that at school.

Later came the school's annual cultural diversity assemblies. That teacher asked me to take the lead, and with that charge came the "apple example." Using both a red and yellow delicious apple, I asked the kids to tell me the color of each. I peeled them and asked if they could still tell a difference. They always responded "No." We are the same on the inside; we're just wrapped differently.

In the seven years I ran the event, the kids experienced Japanese dancers, Hispanic dancers, Navajo Code Talkers, Caribbean steel drum groups, Scottish bagpipers, an 8th-grade advanced theater group's diversity skit, being segregated and escorted to one part of the auditorium by uniformed Air Force members if the students wore glasses, a military tribute after 9-11, an Airman who in the voice of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. recited the famous mountaintop speech, a Caucasian teacher with an Afro wig, and a slightly nutty African American mom (me) with a long blonde wig.

They had fun. We learned about other cultures, and there was nothing else said about the "incident." We can't always stop people from saying derogatory things, but we don't have to respond in kind. Instead, turn the situation into a learning experience. Your child, you and others can learn to see things from another's perspective.